Men are dogs. Men are liars. Women are crazy cunty bitches who belong in the kitchen. She'll break your heart, he'll cheat on you. All black people are stupid and poor, every Mexican in this country got here by jumping the fence, and the French are gay. Homosexuals are godless child molestors and are personally out to destroy your conventional penis-in-vagina marriage. Republicans are backwoods, cousin-fucking hillbillies. Democrats are nothing more than demon possessed liberals out to turn our children into homosexual drug dealers. Marijuana is of the devil, and loving more than one person is a sin. Being popular is everything. Being physically beautiful makes you better than those who are not. Being rich makes you more important than those who have none. Becoming a success is all that matters in life. God loves you, and people don't change.

Oh yeah. And I'm a boozer, and a whore.

One night, we're dancing Thriller (quite poorly, I'll add - some only TALKING about dancing Thriller badly) in a grocery store.
The next day, Michael Jackson is dead.
Coincidence?
Yes. 

...probably.


We had a cookout in a tree fort! A bad-ass tree fort, belonging to pipesftw .Got shit-faced on Jose Cuervo Especial, of which I'll neverevereverever touch another drop. I managed to not fall out of the tree fort all drunklike - in fact, it is noteworthy to say that I navigate heights better drunk than I do sober. There is a zip-line to get down from the tree house, and everyone went down but me because I'm a pussy. That's right, I said it. They've got a superhero cape for especially scared people to wear while going down the zip line, but I thought it was rather ominous that there was a GIANT SPIDER living on it. So I declined.

We made a tasty dinner, with rosemary chicken and feta cheese  and pierogi and spatzle. Mmm, spatzle. Even if they turned out sort of wonky, they were delicious!

AJ sped the whole way there, and back, and he does this thing where he tries to look at you while you're conversing in the car. Except he's driving. Let me just say, it absolutely drove me insane the whole time. And now he gets TWO suprise punches at a time of my choice. One for almost rear-ending every car on the road, and one for making John and I watch 'The Fountain' right after we started dating. (A movie about transcendental cancer researchers, dying Rachel Weisz, the past, future, and present, and being five minutes too late to save the person you love. Cue me sobbing hysterically into John's chest, 'PLEASE DON'T EVER GET CANCER AND DIE, OR I WILL KILL YOU'.)

And generally there was much hanging out and driving from place to place, and impromptu dancing and sing-a-longs. The best kind!
Michael Jackson! Michael Jackson! He's a monster! He eats babies! Ch-mooonn-ah, a-hoo-ooh!
No, it is most certainly NOT too soon for jokes and sing-a-longs. Hmph!


Vacation was good, people were lovely, and we had a great time.
Catch all you South Carolinians next time.


As for me, I'm off to play catch-up with some bitches and hoes. And finish a suprise. :D
<3wumples

Pre-Going Away for a Bit Update:

My mom does NOT have breast cancer (yay preemptive diagnostic cyst test!).
John got Ecco the Dolphin on the Wii. Yay yay yay yay yay! My childhood is back! And I finally beat that stupid level that I've been playing all week! A-whoo-hoo!
I cleaned the whole house. Okay, almost the whole house.
Wumplekins is going along again, work is getting done. Ideas in motion, projects in progress! (In the good way.)
I finally have my bad-ass Dragon*Con costume planned in greater detail.
Found a possible job connection. Threw a successful dinner party.
Going on an upcoming vacation to see lovely people (and maybe a beach).


In my absence, I leave you with possibly the most ridiculous thing I've seen all year.
And no. I'm not surprised AJ was the one to show this to me.





you guys all take care until we get back.
<3wumples

We talk about all sorts of things. The French Revolution, and life. The zombie apocalypse, politics, and math. Things that are ancient, and things that don't exist yet. The things we hate, and the things we love; about the world and ourselves and each other. The conversations span time uncounted, hours upon hours upon hours. $200 text messaging bills and long meandering conversations in bed, sometimes until the sun comes up. Even when we have to wake up early the next day. Even when I'm being ridiculous. And you end with a hug, and you tell me it's going to be okay. Somehow you make me believe it.

You are a listener, and a sage, and the most comfortable human I've ever met.
You are soft, and warm, and good, and I miss you when you're gone.


"It's beautiful that...everything that had to happen for us to meet, did."
I couldn't agree more, spookums.

meme time, bitches! responses are screened, you can answer anonymously.
except, be nice, or i'll hunt you down with my new sword cane.

Dear wumples,

When I think of you I...
I am grateful that...
I wish that you would...
I hope that you...
I am sad that...
It drives me crazy that...
I wonder if...
Please don't...
Remember when...
It's beautiful that...
Do you know that...
My wish for you today is...
When you think of me please...


Your name here



Rules
1. Post in your journal, changing my name to yours
2. Any friends may answer as they wish
3. If a friend wants to skip any of the meme questions, they may - friends should answer only what they are comfy with/inspired to.

spaghetti ∙ pin-up girls ∙ tree houses and secret spots ∙ watching him giggle ∙ warm fuzzy blankets ∙ dandelions ∙ a nice cuppa tea ∙ old book smell ∙ small new humans ∙ vintage aprons ∙ tickling the ivories ∙ sitting around in my underthings ∙ creating anything ∙ dinosaurs ∙ sex ∙ adventures ∙ falling rain and puddle jumping ∙ learning something new ∙ girly drinks, and late-night tequila shots with a friend ∙ showing some spine ∙ zombies ∙ ninjas ∙ pirates ∙ monkeys ∙ robots ∙ zombie-monkey-pirate-ninja robots from space and the future ∙ antici...pation ∙ songs for the moment ∙ old things, and new things ∙ the jingling sound of that massive keyring ∙ space and infinity ∙ BOOBS! ∙ old records ∙ a room full of friends ∙ nervous smiles ∙ surprises ∙ bread ∙ big thoughts and big dreams ∙ shameless snogging ∙ mangoes ∙ candles ∙ polka dots ∙ skinny-dipping ∙ watching the world go by ∙ sidewalk chalk ∙ corsets and corset lines ∙ that book you can't put down ∙ reruns ∙ comfortable shoes ∙ feelings without names ∙ a secret candy stash ∙ kind strangers ∙ pockets ∙ useless knowledge ∙ plans for the future ∙ certainty ∙ nostalgia ∙ feeling alright ∙ stargazing ∙ baby aminals ∙ change ∙ jumping on the bed ∙ picnics ∙ inside jokes ∙ gut instincts ∙ four-leaf clovers ∙ old people in love ∙ doodling aimlessly ∙ putting things on my head ∙ conquering myself ∙ photographs with voices ∙ ketchup ∙ the batman ∙ our bed


 

what do you like? what makes you smile? what keeps your head on straight?
what are a few of your favorite things?

I got sick. Again. Not drinking enough water. Again. Then, I either had an allergic reaction to Bactrim, or bit by a spider. But either way, my lip went all swelly, and I slept through Saturday from all the Benadryl I had to take.  The good news is that the face swelling is down a whole whole whole bunch and now I can haz Cipro. :D


Am nearly finished with my first zombie monkey, will post pictures tomorrow. He has bendy intestines and a removable brain. :D

I'm super duper tired, and so ready to have  a good night's sleep. The week is off to a super busy start. Here's to getting it all done!

Aside from skewering myself over the fiery pit of my own self-loathing lately, life's been great. Mostly. John and I had our one year anniversary on the sixth, and that was nice. Better than nice. Nice is just this filler word I use when I really mean something along the lines of hella-fucking-balls-to-the-wall-awesome. I kinda sorta luffs his whole face.  Conversely, I've been studying for the SATs, looking into financial aid, and admittedly I have no idea how on earth to do this crap. Still - putting on my captain hat and diving headlong into the mess that is applying for college. Needless to say, I have incredibly mixed feelings about going back to school.

Today is Mother's Day, and mine blew off my phone call. I am seriously considering putting a flaming bag of poop on her front porch. Or sending her pictures of bloody clowns. That woman can be infuriating.

About that fiery pit of self-loathing. It's died down a lot since the skewering. This week was the week of gears to the ground. The week where I guess I killed off the last stubborn bit of resilient bitchy teenager who is afraid of being the grown-up she pretends to be. (In only six lists, no less!) The week of schedules and plans. The week of big girl panties (and pants that fit). We do what we should because we must. We do what we must because we can. So I am.

Except for right now. For now, I get to enjoy the last bit of my stupidly stressful weekend, before all the bits of my very busy week.
I need a moment, and damnit - I'm eating this Snickers.

Yesterday was supposed to be group gaming night, but instead became rescue the stranded family at the gas station day. Namely, Chris, Sarah, and lil'biscuits. Everyone is fine, and the car is back home. The funniest part of the day was John and I driving up and down Bells Ferry with two kids in the back seat. "Mr. Ho? Where'd we leave Momma? You should turn here, 'cos McDonalds is AFTER the red gas station. Please make sure you don't forget our tooooooooooyyysss!" Yes, Aydin. Thank you. I do not deny I cranked the music up louder than he could ask questions.

But in a shocking turn of events, Aydin and Dade both like The Mighty Mighty Bosstones. Hurrah! There is hope for them yet! So far, I would say my job as godmommy has been a smashing success. :D


Today, I am stuck on the couch in a little ball of ded. Cramps, on top of the death cold that AJ and John had. I've been awake on and off since sixish this morning, and I feel as though I would like to slingshot my uterus into space. After I stuff it with ALL THE CRAP THAT IS IN MY FACE. I had a bunch of things I wanted to do today, and all of them involve moving my butt off the couch. Which doesn't matter, I'll probably just end up doing them anyway and then passing out in a lump of "Kroger Nighttime Flu Caplets" sleep on the floor.

Anyway, I will take my feelin' icky and deal with it this week. Just as long as I feel better by Wednesday, damnit. I have things to do! Things that I need to feel better for. Things that it needs to not rain for. So you better shape up too, weather forecast, or I'm coming after you with my baseball bat.

now, Golden Girls and SAT studying***, as I mourn the loss of the patron saint of mini-golf.
Be hot. Be cold. Bea Arthur.
:(

***haha. ha. ha. did i say studying? ha. i have recently discovered words on paper don't make sense, thanks to nyquil-not-taken-at-night. i absolutely meant peppermint tea and crazy old biddies on teevee. and possibly a nap.

You're supposed to be grown up by now, I tell myself. You're not like this. Who are you? What are you doing? And I shrug my shoulders and look away. Not sure. Do you want the truthful answer, or the nice one? I frustrate myself so much sometimes.


In a daydream, I realized my failings. At least, the obvious ones. I pictured a world where I didn't have you, and why you weren't there. Of course, it was my fault. There's so much fear in that thought, enough fear to catch fire and burn the whole place down. So here I was, at this crossroads of burning to death, and losing you. I know I think too much, I get afraid too often. I'm afraid of everything. There's this whole other person inside of me who is absolutely consumed by my being afraid.

But the only thing stronger than my being afraid of me is my fear of losing you. So I opened her cage. (by the way, she cleaned our living room :p)

I've never been very good at accomplishing things for myself, taking care of myself doesn't motivate me like it does others.
But you... you are a different story, my love.



I am aiming to be somebody this somebody trusts
With her delicate soul, I don't claim to know much
except love, love, love
I do it for love.

spring haz sprung! this means lots of rainstorms and many more walks. in warmth. and yay. omg. omg!!!

what are your favorite springtime/upbeat/goin' on a nice walk tunes? i need new tunes for the exercise as much as i need new music for the season. winter was bleary, and happy dancing time wumples is for serious looking to get her wiggle on!

oof.
today sucked the big one.


please let tomorrow be better. please let tomorrow be better.
please, please, please let tomorrow be better.

i am a monkey. a super little monkey from space. i do the boogie-woogie on the moon. all the other monkeys laugh at my boogie, but i just keep on breakin' it down. the musicbox don't work in space. there is no sound with which to break it down. so i play it in my head. my super monkey brain. the beat goes, la-la-la. da-dn-dn-dn. and i just wiggle and sway. didn't take no lessons. don't need no tunes. just me and my monkey feet. dancing away. super monkey from space. dancing on the moon.

today, i was super awful, and really couldn't help it. though i tried, and it just ended up in me bawling on john for nearly half an hour. i feel much better now, despite my wearing the emo dunce cap. and i totally owe john a bazillion cookies for the sacrifice of his shirt.

i have to be up in five and a half hours to babysit. i'm waiting for him to get online, to chit-chat before i pass out. i hope i pass out, anyway. for not, i think i'll go and read up on doll pattern drafting some more and eat pizza rolls.

i haz a sleeping kitty on my tummy. :D


today, i recovered from my first bachelorette party ever. last night was also the first time i got drunk in a bar. yay, ID! i played pool (in public! badly!) without crying. also confirmed that yes; vodka hates me, and i it. no matter - it was a rockin' good time.

i have lots and lots to do this week, an entire legal pad sized paper full of things to do this week in fact. baking and walking and babysitting and working and bowling. last week's chocolate cake was win, delicious epic win. but this week, i'm thinking cookies. nutella. or ginger.my new favorite food blog alpineberry makes me hungry. and gives me ideas. but mostly just makes me hungry.

but tonight, i plan on sleeping. i think. :p

1. Pick fifteen of your favorite movies.
2. Go to IMDb and find a quote from each movie. Or from your own memory.
3. Post them here for everyone to guess.
4. NO GOOGLING/using IMDb search functions.
5. Strike it out when someone guesses correctly, and put who guessed it and the movie.



1) You lost me back at The Hulk.
2) Look! My crotch is still here!
3) There's no point to any of this. It's all just a... random lottery of meaningless tragedy and a series of near escapes. So I take pleasure in the details. You know. A quarter-pounder with cheese, those are good. The sky about ten minutes before it starts to rain. The moment where your laughter become a cackle. And I - I sit back, and I smoke my Camel Straights, and I ride my own melt.
4) There's a shortage of perfect breasts in the world. It would be a pity to damage yours.
5) I suppose it'd be the acme of foolishness to inquire if you had a hair net?
6) When I was young, I met this beautiful girl at a lake.
7) If you won't play retard, then I won't play whore.
8) Premium Fantasy! Lip my stockings! Oh yes, please, lip them!
9) You mind if I have some of your tasty beverage to wash this down with?
10) That's not my future! No! I don't want to be a waiter!
11) Good evening Sir, my name is Steve. I come from a rough area. I used to be addicted to crack but now I am off it and trying to stay clean. That is why I am selling magazine subscriptions.
12) Do you think I made a mistake splitting his brain between the two of them?
13) Well, I can probably get you laid in two weeks, but to locate a non-mutant wife from Pasadena takes some time.
14) Little latin boy in drag - why are you crying?
15) I am a loner! A crazy, wide-eyed loner on a doomed mission to Venus, to battle with the three-headed mega beast. But on the way... I caught cornflakes disease!



Baked goods of your choice. If you get the most right. :D
No cheatin', now!

-seriously downplay the double-h typo in documents concerning my identity. (that H will seriously haunt me forever.)
-next time? WEAR BIGGER SHOES. I take up the bottom 1/3 of the picture area with all of my shortness.
-purple pigtails translate into messy funky-colored bedhead. never again.
-the "good old boy from brooklyn" is the best DMV employee ever. bake him a cake.
-do not stay up the entire night before baking a cake from scratch. even if it turns out delicious, i still look wrecked. :p


still. have my id card now - finally! john found $20 on the ground at the DMV, so it was a FREE id card. yay! this means many drunken public shenanigans to be had. most likely starting this weekend. this week, however, will be the "awkward giant fake penis" purchase, mandatory for my attendance at heather's bachelorette shindig.

on the topic of the aforementioned cake, i was baking this morning until somewhere around 7am. last week's carrot cake for heather and ryan's somewhat-impromptu-nuptuals turned out so nice, i figured i'd try my hand at another cake recipe for gaming this week. it hasn't been iced yet (the frosting is warming back up as i write this), but the little smidgen i tasted while evening the cakes up for stacking was divine. though i forgot to add the chocolate chips into the batter (>.<), it's still looking like it's going to be the best damn cake ever. and hello!  frosting from scratch too! double the goodness.

now, i must go wake up the peoples passed out all over the house. starting with john, who absolutely wins an award for unequivocally best evar. srsly. best boyfriend in the entirety of existence. in this dimension and others. in all times, future and past. as the very last star in the universe blinks out, it will think to itself, "wow. that john ho was some kinda superawesome" as it fades into black. and truer words will never have been spoken.

Watchmen in IMAX was amazing - even without having any idea of the story beforehand, the whole thing makes sense. Even the parts that didn't make sense. Happy ending? Alan Moore? I don't thiiiink soooo. Still - it was epic.

Tonight is a carrot cake and icing (from scratch!), MapleStory, Monk, finishing my nails, Spooky, and sleep.
Tomorrow is a trip to Georgia Tech, the DMV, a secret mission, playing hair salon, alcohol, tasty cake, and a board game. Maybe.

And may God and/or The Universe have mercy on the soul and/or matter of the person who tries to deny me my id card tomorrow.


ps - fall out boy? yes plz.
oregon trail? very yes plz.
fall out boy + oregon trail + guitar hero = incredibadlicious.
http://www.friendsorenemies.com/cp/fobtrail

The music reverberated through the lab.

I could already feel my legs twitching. Itching. Ready to go. I prepped my tools, swaying my hips as I do. Bone saw, check. Sutures, check. Fresh human organs, check. The polyester lab coat rubbed against the back of my neck as I pulled the safety goggles over my eyes. Today is the day.

I'd finally collected everything. Piece by piece, I'd compared  and cut and snipped and frozen until they were all there. The perfect vessel for her.

'The plan here today, Iggy, is to do somethin' we've never done before." The dog sat in the doorway, my faithful friend, staring on contently as I opened the body bag. The result of several months of work. Years of thought. Today would be the day - my most amazing creation to date.

Donna Summer and I are going to create life.

She sings to me while I work. Serenades me. It takes all of my control to keep from dancing while I remove the glass jar from my desk. This will be the first time I've moved it since it was placed there. Since my wife died. I've watched it closely these long months - the tissue has thrived in the solution. Just as I expected. I move the jar closer to my work station, and make my first incision, singing along.

Don't want another night on my own... wanna share my love with a warm-blooded lover.

"Iggy - if this works? We're having steak tonight." The dog's ears perk up, but he scurries away as I power up the bone saw. The cutting goes quickly, and the smell of bone dust fills the room.

The sutures over the rest of the body have held nicely. I smile over my work, cleaning the newly opened chamber carefully. "I am transplanting the brain, from containment jar to the skull." The dog ignores me - he knows I'm really just talking aloud to myself. A habit I picked up when Beverly died.

The brain fits snugly back into the head. No expansion, no shrinking.  The tissue bounced as though it were freshly plucked from it's shell. 'I would make a fortune off patenting that cryo... goop,' I thought to myself. I never was very good at naming my inventiions. Beverly always did that.


The procedure takes hours. Even after having sewn her together, organ and limb and flesh - this was the real trick. Re-animation requires a certain... elegance I have yet to be graced with. And it's not so bad. I think I'm still a real hip dancer.

The little... electromabobbers were placed across the prototype. The soles of the feet, the brain, and the heart. She's connected to the current modulator, and I throw the switch. Donna Summer warbles and cuts off completely as the lights blew out overhead.

The lightning outside crackles, and I curse myself for doing this during a storm. The whole room glows a bright  white, and for just a moment, I could swear I saw her blink. And that's when the record player starts again. It skips, and cuts right to the middle. It's her favorite.

Friday night and the strip is hot, sun's gone down and they're about to trot.
Spirit's high and they look hot - do you wanna get down?

The lights come on, she's staring straight into my eyes. I can't help but smile.

"Beverly, honey?


Disco is back."